Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
