I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
