I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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