I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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