The maid of honor just puked.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize