Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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