He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There r osticjed everywhere
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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