I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
