This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
