I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize