Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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