You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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