hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
