Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He shit in the fireplace
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