Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize