matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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