plz talk dirty to me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
