I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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