Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
