Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
handjob tips. give me some.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
