is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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