I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
