Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
