drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
