To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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