he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
