He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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