I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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