your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
