You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
