I just threw up on my dentist
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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