I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
