but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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