I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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