At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
