worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize