So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
