Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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