when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
