Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
