Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
