He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
