who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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