I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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