I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
