i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
