Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
