New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
