i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize