You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
