I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
