is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
