I showed him my bush... on skype.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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