Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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