did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
