Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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