i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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