i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
