Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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