I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My cat gives me a boner
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Green mimosas i think yes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
