I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
