The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
