My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize