he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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