OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
